By Derrick Kinney, Podcast, Health and Growth Performance Editor
A top-producing advisor pulled me aside recently and said something I hear more than you’d think.
“I’m terrible at asking for referrals.”
He laughed… but it clearly bothered him.
Then he said, “I should be getting more. My clients like me. They trust me. My team does great work. What am I doing wrong?”
That question lives quietly inside a lot of elite advisors. Not because they’re failing. Because something doesn’t add up.
On paper, everything looks right. Strong relationships. Consistent performance. High-level service. And yet… referrals don’t match the level of value being delivered.
So the conclusion becomes: It must be me.
It’s not. You’re not bad at referrals. Your clients aren’t holding out on you. And you’re not missing some clever script.
You’re just asking at the wrong moment.
If referrals aren’t where they should be, it’s not a relationship issue. It’s a memory issue.
Your clients have moved on from the version of themselves who needed you most. The stressed version. The uncertain version. The one who said, “I need help.”
Time does what time does. Problems get solved. Pressure fades. Clarity replaces confusion. And when that earlier version disappears, so does their awareness of who else needs you.
That’s the gap.
Earlier this year, I introduced a small change to a group of high-performing advisors. No new technology. No new marketing strategy. No overhaul. Just a shift in timing.
The results were immediate.
Referrals increased by 79 percent. One advisor landed a $3 million and a $7 million account shortly after implementing this. Others began receiving consistent, warm introductions without chasing.
Same advisors. Same clients. Same value. Different moment.
“Referrals aren’t about asking for favors. They’re about reigniting gratitude.“
Ask at the Moment of Highest Connection
Most advisors wait until the end of a meeting to bring up referrals. The meeting is wrapping up. Everyone feels good. Then it comes out:
“By the way, if you know anyone who could benefit from my services…”
And just like that, the opportunity disappears.
Because at the end of a meeting, attention is declining. Energy is low. Your client is mentally moving on. The emotional high point has already passed.
You’re asking for something meaningful at a moment that isn’t.
Elite advisors don’t ask at the end. They ask at the moment of highest connection.
Right after value has been delivered. Right when trust is elevated. Right when emotion is present.
Here’s Exactly What to Say
“Would you be willing to go down memory lane with me for a second? Do you remember what caused you to become my client, and how you felt back then?”
Then pause. Let them think. Let them feel it.
You’ll see the shift happen in real time. Their tone changes. Their posture softens. They reconnect with a moment they haven’t visited in a long time.
Then follow with:
“Would you be willing to introduce me to people who feel the way you used to feel before we started working together?”
That’s it. No pressure. No awkwardness. No performance. Just a conversation grounded in truth.
This approach taps into something most advisors overlook: progress.
When clients reconnect with how far they’ve come, two things happen instantly. Gratitude increases. Clarity sharpens. They remember what you solved, and they think of people still living in that problem.
That’s where introductions come from. Not obligation. Not incentives. Emotion.
What Makes You Referable?
One advisor added a follow-up that made this even more effective:
“What’s your favorite part of our relationship?”
That question does more than create a good feeling. It gives you the exact language clients use to describe your value. It reveals the emotional drivers behind their loyalty. It surfaces stories that strengthen your positioning. And it clarifies what makes you referable.
Most advisors guess at their value. Your clients will define it for you… if you ask.
When you implement this, referrals stop feeling forced. Clients become more engaged. Introductions come with context, not confusion. And your value becomes easier for others to communicate.
You stop chasing. You start attracting.
Referrals aren’t about asking for favors. They’re about reigniting gratitude.
When clients remember where they started, they remember why you matter. And when they remember why you matter, they think of who else needs you.
That’s how elite advisors grow. Not by doing more. But by creating the right moment, and knowing what to say when it shows up.
“When clients remember where they started, they remember why you matter.“
About Derrick Kinney
Derrick Kinney is a business growth expert, bestselling author, and nationally sought-after speaker who helps financial advisors attract high-net-worth clients with the right words. He built and sold a top 1% firm and now consults with top advisor teams nationwide.
More from Derrick Kinney
Through The Derrick Kinney Podcast on Modern American Advisor, Derrick sits down with business leaders, authors and industry experts for conversations on growth, leadership, client relationships and the ideas shaping modern business. Explore more episodes:
- Rich Redmond — Building a Career That Lasts
- Sten Morgan — How Great Advisors Grow
- Ted Moser — Winning Through Platforms
- Jeff C. West — Turning Objections Into Opportunity
- Lisa Lutoff-Perlo — Turning Business Risks Into Wins
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This article is featured in Modern American Advisor’s Torches of Freedom issue, alongside interviews, commentary and analysis exploring leadership, women in finance, wealth management and the evolving role of financial advice. Explore more perspectives from the latest issue.
